but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have aggressive nipples.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
