yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
