He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
