kristin has been a bad kristin
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Randomize
