I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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