her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
