Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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