was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
