I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
