where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
