I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
