just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
