im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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