I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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