I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
