Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize