I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
