I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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