dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
