Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I need to align my fucking chakras
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize