My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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