U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm gonna fight the coyote
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
