I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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