i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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