My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
