last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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