I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
