Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
