is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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