I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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