Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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