Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize