Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
