I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My feet surprised me
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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