Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
