And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
