remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
