i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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