So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
