Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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