Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
