so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
