You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I touched a dick in church today
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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