hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
