I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
