she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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