ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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