i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
