I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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