I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
