Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
