why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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