My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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