Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
