Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
