I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
BRING THE BAGELS
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
