So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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