I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
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